I understand this is not the busiest schedule a person may have. But you gotta admit, it’s a massive load. And that doesn’t even include my personal life.

It’s amazing how easily people forget about how you find, even in little ways, to move away from your busy schedule to just spend time with them or at least appreciate them. You make a little gesture and it gies unappreciated. They’d fuss about the latest gadget even before they say thank you. Maybe they won’t even say thank you at all.

You make so much effort or the least effort to show people you appreciate them. However, not all people can reciprocate the gesture. It just sucks because it gets to you and hurts you.

I remember a phase in my life when I would not just make an effort towards anyone. Yes, it was simply because for more than a year (maybe even longer), I have been working my ass off for people who NEVER appreciated me. They even did shit. Now, I’m thinking that I should just go back to being stoic and nonchalant and… Dead. Maybe that would lessen the trouble.

At least, now, I know

The jazz waltz of emotion
It comes upon me
My tears waltz with them

I run outside
Let the rain dance on my skin
to feel you..

It’s the only way to feel you
Once again… the rain…
Even for just a moment

I try to catch as much
Cup my hands
So I can keep rain

But the rain just slipped
Easily slipped
Through my fingers

My heart wrenched
My tears fell
I knew I am losing you.

I knew I have lost you forever.

Is it my fault that I have evolved to protect myself from any impending hurt or disappointment? Is it my fault that my past forced me to be the perfectionist I am today?

I guess not a lot of people understand that. Not a lot of people are willing to take silence for just silence. Not a lot of people are willing to leave you with your own.

I just want to have some quiet in my life. It has all been very noisy all the time at home and at work. And all the whining in between that is starting to get annoying. I want to be able to just shut everything out and be at peace.

I can only do that now with sleeping…

Well, I guess there is nothing further to discuss. All that this proves is that a sunken ship will remain sunken. I will remain good-for-nothing. I will remain worthless.

Yes, I’d just live alone like what was destined to be.

Kamusta?
Okay lang.
Salamat sa mga payo mo
Ayus lang
Dito lang naman ako
Sa akin, wag kang mahihiya

Bukas
Okay na kayo
Balik sa dati ang kwento
Ni anino
Di ko maaninag
Ilang araw bago kitang muling makita

Tamang hintay lang
Wala namang magagawa
Ganyan ka naman
Di namamansin
Naaalala mo lang ako
Pag nag-aaway kayo

Wala
Walang magagawa
Ni di mo man lang mapansin
Na mahal
Mahal kita
Sayo, ako’y isang alipin

Pero siguro
Mas mainam nang ganito
Dahil di naman tayo pwedeng maghiwalay
Ito lang siguro
Ang paraan
Para makasama kita

Kahit
Hindi habambuhay
Makasama ka lang
Makukuntento na lang
Kahit palipas oras
Kahit pa kaibigan lang

He sang about his life
He sang about what’s in his heart
He sang about his heart aching with love
for this woman who sits in the corner every night
The woman who walked away
Beside a lucky guy
He wishes she’d catch his heart in the songs

He’s a man who loves her
She doesn’t know
That’s how the song goes
Maybe she would love him
Maybe she would start loving him too
There’s something he doesn’t know

In a lonely corner
In the smoky room
Sits the woman
Carefully listening
Carefully watching
Quietly observing

Watching him from afar
She listens and knows she knows him well
She dreams of him every night
She longs to hold him
But he doesn’t know she’s there
He thinks she’s just there

She wishes he’d hold her tight
Plant her lips on his
He thinks he knows her
But he doesn’t
He doesn’t know
She’s just a friend
He doesn’t know her

Two hearts so close
Yet far apart
They don’t know
Missing out on love
Holding back on each other
Letting the opportunity slide

He walks to the bar
To be with another lady friend
She walks out the bar
With another man
They look back at each other
A missed chance at true love

*Someone tell me if this is any good. -kim0y

Screaming is of no use
No one seems to hear me
Banging on the walls are futile
No one seems to notice.

Sitting in the corner is all that can be done
Leave yourself to die of the cold
Dying of the cold, dying of the cold
Dying since there’s no one to hold

Trapped in dark box
A dark and tiny box
Nerves shot, Brain damaged
Heart racing, Sweat breaking

No sign of redemption
No calm nor comfort
For all time…
For eternity…

I now keep asking myself if I am happy or what really makes me happy. I like adventure in my life. But for some reason, the challenges I face today do not excite me nor engage me. They just pull me down. For some reason, I feel that no one cares, even if I know people around me do. I sometimes feel that no one understands, no one listens when I know they all do.

Maybe I’m just being selfish. Maybe I’m just being narcissistic. I’m not sure anymore. Maybe I am entering a depressive state once again. I’m not sure why… maybe, like what I said earlier, it’s seasonal.

I think everyone needs a break sometimes. Everyone needs to unwind and have fun. I’m thankful that the people around me try to keep up with me and my bothersome self. I hope they do not tire.

I pray hard that I get out of this… fast.

Not a lot of people was granted the gift of acceptance. I, for one, used to find it difficult to accept that there are things that change over time. I find myself worrying about what I did wrong and what happened. I, then harbor, grudges against these people. It was such a burden for me. I became sadder and sadder until I got to a point where I became so cynical. I thought the world was entirely evil.

I know someone who has forgotten how it is to be happy. He has mastered the art of repelling good vibes on his own. He shuns away from the norm and from the good luck. I believe he is still trying to pursue Lady Luck. He wishes for her to be on his side in spite of his pushing the signs of luck away.

I know someone who realized he has lost something important in his life early on but was, I guess, too proud to admit it. He knows he tries to take things back, but is learning the hard way. He still has a part of what he lost. And I think he sometimes prays that he would get everything back. Though, I believe the universe wishes for him to learn more before he gives him what he wants.

I know someone who has been tied to his past for the majority of his life. He has been haunted by the ghosts of the past. He wants to rectify so many things but found it too late. The people he wanted to make up with has long been gone. He now tries to make the most out of what he has today.

Letting go of the past is important. It is important to move on from the pain you experienced. It is important to take a step forward from the things that have put you down.
I’m not saying you need to forget about everything. Retain the important lessons you have gained from the entire endeavor and live these lessons thereafter. Cherish the memory of what has gone by. Yet, take a step forward to becoming the better person. These things in the past help us become the better people we were meant to become. These are things that will help us strengthen our person. These are the things that will help us become the persons we want to be.

It is one thing to remember and cherish the past. But it is also another to become strong and mature. You can do both… if you choose to.